319: Embrace The 50/50 - POD AUDIO
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[00:00:00] This is the real life runners podcast, episode number 319. Embrace the 50 50.
[00:00:07] Angie: All right, so today we are talking about the 50 50 and what exactly does that mean when we're talking about the 50 50 and why are we talking about this today?
[00:00:39] Kevin: I mean, it makes me think of a church raffle every time you said 50 50. I'm like, it's clearly it is a church raffle discussion. That is what we are having here.
What
[00:00:46] Angie: are you going for here? So that is not actually what we're going for though. But I think, I feel like that's a good analogy that we can use in some way. So why don't you start, start working on that as I work that out. So the whole [00:01:00] idea, kind of my inspiration for this episode was back to school. So our kids and Kevin is are going back to school this week, but really, this was my mama brain and mama heart thinking about back to school and how back to school is such a bittersweet time of year and how it just reminded me of how life is 5050 and life.
Like running is 50 50. And today we're going to talk about both today. We're going to talk about why life and running are 50 50, why they need to be 50 50, why, you know, what that means, why that even matters and all the things. But, you know, when I'm looking at our girls this morning, both of them are starting middle school this year where we have one going into sixth grade and one going into eighth grade.
So no more elementary school, right? And so I took a picture of them. We have a big tree out in our front yard and I took a picture of them in front of that tree like I do every year. Of course. [00:02:00] And then I went back. I was talking to a friend of mine today and I went back in my photos to try to find like a comparison picture of them in front of the same tree.
It's
going
[00:02:08] Kevin: to make you cry on day one of school. Why did you think that? You know what I should do? I should make myself cry.
[00:02:13] Angie: I've definitely been crying multiple times. times today. And, um, you know, just to see them. So I found a photo of them on the first day of elementary school, like when Maddie first came into elementary school.
So it was kindergarten and second grade. So it was the first time that they were in the same school in elementary building and everything. And now it's the first time that they're in middle school together and putting those pictures side by side. That was 2017. Now we're in 2023. It's so crazy, you know, just the difference between them and how much they've grown and it just makes me think so much of how wonderful, how grateful I am for all of it.
But then also how like sad I am because they're growing so fast and I want life to slow down, right? And so it just made me [00:03:00] again think of this 50 50 because running like life is 50 50. There's good and bad. There's happy and sad. There's strong and there's weak. And this is inevitable. So the sooner we embrace the 50 50, the more connected to ourselves and to our.
We can be, because I think that a lot of times we, especially as runners, we're always trying to make things better. Oh yeah. Right. We're always trying to make our life better. We're always trying to make our running better. We're trying to get faster. We're trying to get stronger. We're trying to get fitter.
And a lot of times we are only trying to look at the positive side of things without giving enough. attention to the negative without accepting the negative side as a part of it. We try to eliminate the negative. We try to eliminate all the weaknesses and just focus on the positive and the strong side of things.
Yeah.
[00:03:45] Kevin: And I mean, I don't think you have to like dive into the negative and like wallow in it for very long, but you can't ignore it. You can't pretend it doesn't exist. It's there. It is part of life. It is certainly part of running. There are definitely negative experiences. In that [00:04:00] process, the same way like the watching the kids grow up like it's amazing to watch what they've become.
But at the same time, you're like, Oh, that was adorable. And they were both in elementary school, but there's positives of not having them in elementary school anymore, either. Like there, there are things that you gain from them getting a little bit older, but there's On that part. There are things that you lose.
And I mean, the whole idea of like their independence is both positive and negative because you feel as though you're not quite as needed anymore. And you're also able to look at it and be like, look at these, like these amazing humans, virtual adults that were created
[00:04:34] Angie: over there. Amazing humans. Right.
And it's like, I always joke around that, you know, we don't have to wipe any butts anymore. Like that's always the positive in my mind. Right. Like, not that in elementary school we were not doing that. That was like much, much yeah. I was, you know, long, long, much longer ago
[00:04:49] Kevin: than that. I was joking with one of my assistant principals today because, uh, he and I are going to work car line together on, on Friday.
He goes, he wasn't there last year. So it is no what, what went down. He's picturing how [00:05:00] bad this is going to be on Friday when the freshmen show up. I go, well, you know, school gets out at two 35. So the freshman parents will arrive at two o'clock fully prepared to wipe their children during last period.
He lost it because it's fun on these. The parents are trying to cling, which falls in exactly. It was a little bit of a crude joke, but it falls in exactly what we're talking about. It's these parents that are trying to cling to their kids who are now flying into high school. And that's a whole nother step that you'll have to embrace and cry next year.
Next year. And, but it's a whole nother step. And so these parents will show up, even though they're kids, they do not need to be picked up. School's out at 235. Those parents could show up at three. These kids do not want to immediately get into their cars. Maybe some of them had a bad
[00:05:43] Angie: day. Unless they have to like do something after school.
Sure. But most of
[00:05:46] Kevin: them don't. Right. Most of them are making new friends or they're hanging out with friends that they haven't seen all summer long. Right. And then Carline doesn't move. Because no one's getting in the cars and driving away. Because they all want to hang out with their friends. They all just want to hang out with their friends.
And their parents just want [00:06:00] to be there as a safety net for them and make sure that everything is going okay. And the thing is that it is going okay. And if it's not going okay, that's also fine. It's still okay. Because they're high schoolers now. So they are going to deal with it, not by getting into the car in all likelihood.
Because as they grow up. As they get more experience, they want to flesh that problem out with their friends after school. And the parents are still sitting there in carline, like, where are they? How are things going?
[00:06:28] Angie: Yeah. And they want to talk to them and they want to be the one to help them flesh them out.
I'm like starting to cry right now, just thinking about it. Cause our kids are already getting to that point, especially the older one, you know, where the friends are becoming more important than not shouldn't say more important, but. When it comes to like advice or those kinds of things or who they want to talk to.
Um, I think it depends on what it is. Cause our girls definitely still come talk to us about stuff. Thank goodness. Um, but it is the time where friends start to become more important in their lives than they ever were before.
[00:06:58] Kevin: Yes. All right. [00:07:00] But we, this is not a parenting podcast, so we should probably make sure that we stick with some general things
[00:07:05] Angie: is like life and parenting are so intertwined for me.
[00:07:08] Kevin: Is all of life. Yeah, like life itself has, I mean, to go into the school aspect from a teacher perspective, not from parent perspective, from teacher perspective, there's positive negatives, like every teacher celebrates the start of summer and then summer ends. We're like, Oh, we got to get back to school.
But no one gets into teaching because they're like, Oh, I hate children. Like, the thing is, is that you get to teach because you love it. kids and you love being an educator and helping guide these people. And there are kids who are just super frustrating and you show up at the day and you're like, Oh man, that kid is showing up in third period today.
But you get these breakthroughs with kids sometimes. And it's amazing. So you simultaneously have the positive and negative and don't get me wrong. Summer break is amazing. And coming back to school has some, some holdbacks. I love teaching. Like, I love the, the kids came into class today. We had them for 10 minutes and we gave them like such little [00:08:00] information.
It's like not enough time to do anything productive. And they're in there and they're all like bright-eyed and kinda little confused as to what's going on. Yeah. And it's, it's fantastic to get new kids that come in every year and you can do stuff with them, but there is negatives that come with that.
Like, I didn't get to see the kids off to school this morning. I was out before they took off to school. Our kids. Our kids, yeah, our own kids, you know. You take that picture and always send me the picture
and so did you take the picture in front of the bush? Also, it's always a good to the tree uniforms right now. They're also less, you
[00:08:33] Angie: know, not cooperative, cooperative. They were Perfectly cooperative this morning. You know, if I were to ask them to go over there, they probably would have. There might have been a little bit of groaning.
Yeah, but
[00:08:44] Kevin: they would have groaned and walked right over there and taken a picture. I watched a mom take a selfie with her daughter when she got to school, like, as they were walking to the freshman meeting. Daughter was fully cooperative, like kind of kind of did the eye roll and her friends stepped back a little bit and and [00:09:00] mom and the daughter did a selfie together.
Um, there was another kid who passed and then he came running back the wrong direction. Like, where is he going? He's not with his parents anymore. He ran over to two of his other friends and they took a picture. The one mom took a picture. You know, that's the picture of that trio that they've taken for the last eight years.
Aw. Like, yeah, day one of school.
[00:09:19] Angie: Yeah. Well, I did take one in front of like at school as well. Like I took my phone with me specifically that so I could take a photo of them over there, of course. Um, but yeah, it just, so life is 50 50. We can't have one without the other. We can't have good without the bad.
We can't have happy without the sad. And I think that a lot of times we try to, we can't have good runs. Unless we have bad ones because then what are we comparing it to? How do we even know what a good run is if we've never had those struggle bus runs to compare it to? Yeah, no,
[00:09:52] Kevin: you, the, the frustration comes because people want everything to be all sunshine and rainbows.
Right. And that can't happen. Yeah. Like it [00:10:00] literally can't happen. When, when Angie says it's 50, 50, and you're like, no, no, no, 50, 50 doesn't seem great. Can we bump that a little bit? Maybe like, like 90, 10, you guys talk 80, 20 all the time. Can we make it like 80 happy? Oh my gosh.
[00:10:12] Angie: I have had this thought before.
Like, cause I, I learned this concept from one of my mentors, Brooke Castillo, um, over at the life coach school of this concept of life is 50, 50. I was that I was very resistant to it at first too. I'm like, does it have to be 50 50? Like, couldn't it be 60 40 or 20, 80 20 sounds good, right? Like I understand that there has to be negative, but can't we outweigh the negative with the positive.
And I think that That's maybe what we're shooting for, right? That's kind of the goal, but I also understand now the importance of the quote unquote negative experiences in our life. And that's what we're going to kind of get into in part two here. But I just want to kind of reemphasize this idea that You know, if we [00:11:00] try to ignore or minimize the negative and only focus on the positive, it can lead just to a lot of frustration and a lot of disappointment because then not only do we have the negative thing that's happening or the negative feeling that we're experiencing, we also now have a secondary feeling of like guilt or shame that we can't.
Make it more positive. So we can't be
[00:11:23] Kevin: positive all the time, but we're not supposed
[00:11:26] Angie: to be positive. Right. So it's like you're experiencing this negative emotion and you're like, but I should be happy, right? Like when I was feeling sad this morning, it really was like the tears that I have shed today have been a very, like a combination of tears.
Like they have been bittersweet, happy and sad tears. Like I. Really have so much joy and love and gratitude for who the girls are right now for all of the time that we've had with them up till now for the wonderful school that we are a part of and like how they've grown and developed as humans and like I have so much [00:12:00] like it like it's bursting out of me, but I'm also sad that they're Getting older, like it's, it's hard, you know, like, because then it like makes you think how much little time, how little time we still have left with them here, like living here.
Oh God, I'm getting, I'm getting emotional right now.
[00:12:20] Kevin: A couple of years in the future. I know, I know, but that's what happens. So you talk this 50 50 of like happy and sad, but there's also like good and bad, especially in running. Let's talk about running. We have good and bad days and it would be really nice if that broke a lot more towards the good days.
But sometimes we try to only focus on the good days. We try to only think about the good days and be like, I mean, that wasn't a great day. And I'll just, I'll ignore that. You know, they happen. They, they. I think people accept them sometimes that you're going to have days that you don't feel great.
Sometimes with running, there are, I think, neutral days. It wasn't a good day. It wasn't a bad day. It was more of a neutral day. [00:13:00] But what gets me and what I wanted to say kind of on the whole good versus bad and ignoring the bad. If you ignore the bad, you just completely eliminate part of your running experience.
And I think to fully appreciate running, you have to fully experience the good and the bad. If you want to race well, you have to fully embrace bad days, like fully embrace them. If you're going to run a long distance half marathon on marathon, you better embrace and not tune out during a bad run. Like a bad run.
It's not a time to just be like, all right, I'm just gonna turn my music up louder. Like you have to tune in and fully embrace the suck that is that bad run and grind out whatever is left. You don't have to do this all the time running 5050. You're gonna have another good day coming up. Yeah. But you can't just Float your way through bad days and then pretend they never happen because when the bad day happens on a run or on a long race, [00:14:00] you're gonna have good and bad portions of it.
And you can't just be like, Oh, now this is the bad portion. What do I do? Yeah, learning what to do is what happens on your bad days. So then you can get through bad portions of races.
[00:14:13] Angie: Yeah, we absolutely need to experience both. And that's kind of what I want to talk about in this second part is yeah. not trying to avoid the bad things, right?
Like we, cause I think we oftentimes try to avoid the bad and only focus on the good, like you were just saying. And that leads us to having a very incomplete experience, both in running and in our, the rest of our life. Good for, cause if we're. Going with the idea that life is 50 50, maybe we go with the idea that it's like 33 33, you know, with that neutral.
There's a neutral
[00:14:45] Kevin: portion. I, I swear this might be more the case with running. I, your mentor, Burke would disagree with me and she's not a runner. Yell at me. But with life, she really harps on the whole 50 50. I think that there are neutral days with [00:15:00] running there.
[00:15:00] Angie: I agree. And I think there's neutral days with living too.
Sure. So that's actually maybe an interest. Yeah. Same concept for us
podcast because I don't have that outlined a little bit more because there are definitely neutral days But we know that we can't have one without the other right and that life is made of contrast And that running is also made of contrast. We can't have achievements without failure. And so Like you were just saying, instead of trying to avoid the negative, instead of trying to only focus on the positive, what if we embraced the negative when it did show up?
And let's talk about this for a little bit, because what does this not mean? This doesn't mean like embracing the negative does not mean that we're trying to turn every negative into a positive. No,
[00:15:44] Kevin: that's not embracing at all. That's pushing it away
[00:15:46] Angie: and trying to flip it. Right. Because I think that that's what some people think.
They're like, Oh, okay, here's the negative experience. I can embrace this and make it into a. a positive experience, right? I'm ready to learn the lesson and make this a [00:16:00] positive. It's like, like, okay, but not when you're in it, right? Like I'm all, I am on board for that later, but when you're in it, if you are really in a negative spot, whether it's in your life, in a relationship, in the middle of a run, if you're trying to like, tell yourself that.
That it's better than it actually is. It feels fake. It feels contrived and our brain knows better than that. So what we need to learn how to do instead is to allow ourselves to experience the full spectrum of the human experience and of the running experience. Like you said, like there are stinky running days, like really bad running days.
And I have recently had some. These like a couple of weeks ago, my first run back or my second run back after we got back from a couple of weeks of travel, we were in California. Then I went to Nebraska and coming back the first six mile run that I did felt awful. The first two miles I was like, Oh, okay, maybe this isn't going to be as bad as I thought.
Right. I was like, all right, this is good. And then at [00:17:00] mile three, everything just took a turn for the. And the whole second half of the run was a poop fest. It was awful, like not literally, thank goodness. But it was just a different kind of bad day. That was a different bad run. I thank God have not experienced one of those knock on wood, but it was awful.
Like I felt terrible. I needed to walk. I was like, my heart rate was through the roof. Everything was. Not good about that run.
[00:17:24] Kevin: I mean, I had the same thing when I, when we came back here, it was like one of my, like, I think it was like my third run back and I started running and like the first three steps felt heavy.
Like they felt like I was, I just couldn't, I had no pop in my legs. I'm like, all right, maybe, maybe it's just the start of the run. I'll be fine. I'll get into a rhythm and I'm a mile in and I'm still like, Hey, there's the pop could show up my legs at any point. And I'm just going along and I'm just getting through miles and none of it was all that enjoyable.
And the pop just never really showed up. Yeah. And it [00:18:00] was like, well, that that's stunk. And I love running, but that day just stunk. And that's just what it It was and sometimes I think people try and connect good and bad days with hard and easy days like, Oh, that was a really hard day. I felt like I pushed myself really hard and they make a negative out of that or they push themselves really hard and it has to be a positive.
You can have an easy day that you don't feel great and still effort wise. You're like, I mean, I didn't, I didn't. put out a huge amount of effort. I just didn't feel great. Like that was the run that I just described. I didn't feel great, but it was still technically easy. Like I wasn't just grinding myself into the ground.
It just didn't feel good. And you can have hard days that you feel amazing and they're still physically taxing on you. So good and bad and hard versus easy do not have to match up all the
[00:18:46] Angie: time. Right. But if we allow ourselves to Fully embrace that experience, right? Like, not try to get out of that experience while we're in it, right?
Allow that experience to [00:19:00] happen for us to kind of wrap it up, right? Come home, take your shoes off, get in the shower. Then, after we experience it, then we want to Look at it and try to learn from it, I think, because I think that that's where growth happens. I don't think that we just need to be in the negative.
I'm definitely not someone that's going to tell you like, Oh, you should just allow yourself to be negative all the time. I'm definitely someone that likes to look for the positive in things. I'm, I would call myself an optimist for sure. And so I do think that sometimes I have the tendency to try to skip over the negative, try to move into the positive too soon.
And I think that that is doing a disservice to, to me and to my experience. And I think that it's one of those things that I have tried to improve to allow myself to be in it without wallowing, right? Like I'm not talking about like going down really negative spirals and digging yourself. Into holes, like, you know, that's when we started doing those kinds of things and that's starting to border on like [00:20:00] depression and other issues.
That's not what we're talking about here, but just understanding that. negative experiences, negative runs, or like, you know, runs that don't feel good, negative life experiences are going to happen, then we can allow ourselves to experience it. And then afterwards, think back and say, okay, what do I need to take away from that?
Right? Like, so say you had a really stinky run. What do I need to take away from that? Did I have enough sleep? How did I fuel before that run or during that running, depending on how long that run was, was I hydrated enough? What time of day was I running? Like, is there some way or some lesson that I can take away so that next time?
I don't have to experience as much
[00:20:40] Kevin: of that. Yeah. And sometimes there's not a great lesson. Like this is one of the tricky portions of running is sometimes it's just a bad day. Sometimes your training plan went great and you line up for the race and the weather conditions cooperate and you go out and lay an egg and it stinks and you're like, but my fueling was on and my training looked [00:21:00] good.
[00:21:01] Angie: Yeah. What is that? I mean, I've heard that, but like, what does that actually mean? Like
[00:21:07] Kevin: a big zero. Oh, okay. That's how I interpret it. You lay an egg. I don't know. It's a saying. I assume that the saying came because it looks like a big zero. Just made me think. Like, what does that even mean? It sounds like something my grandpa used to say.
I'm sure that's where I got that saying. From farm country? Yes, indeed. It's a good, good Hoosier. Um, I'm sure that's where it comes from, but sometimes that happens in you. There isn't a great lesson. And so afterwards you feel negative. You kind of exist in that negative space for a while. And people might try and come up and like help you try and feel good.
And you just, you can't get out of it, because you don't need to get out of it immediately. There's no rush to get out of it. Right. You know, this happens with our cross country team sometimes. Last year, the season ended on not the greatest note. We almost made it to the state meet. We missed it by just like a handful of points.
Five seconds.
[00:21:57] Angie: Yeah. Five points in five seconds.
[00:21:59] Kevin: [00:22:00] And it, it felt bad. And everybody was sad and upset about it. Yeah. You know, as, as the two of us are sitting there, like, what do we do with it? Like, what do we, are we going to try and like, pep him back up and say, point out any positives? Like, no, cause this just kind of stunk.
Yeah. And there's no reason to try and make them leave here and be like, no, no, no, it's okay. We're going to celebrate the wins on the season. We had time for that. We had a team dinner down the road and we celebrated the wins of the season. But right then that event stunk. And that's one of the life lessons that these kids are gaining from.
Sport is sometimes it stinks. And that's, that's a thing that you have to embrace. It's, I think, one of the most powerful things that you can gain out of sports is sometimes it stinks and it hurts and it's frustrating and tear inducing and awful. And then you sign up for another race and you do it again.
You come back the next [00:23:00] season and you do it again. And. And that's, that's what sport is. That's what running is. There are bad days that you get kicked down and you find a way to come back up. And that's why running is awesome. Yeah.
[00:23:15] Angie: Because with every single one of those experiences, we are building strength.
We are building. Mental strength for sure. I would say physical strength as maybe sometimes as well. Like when you get through those hard runs, when you're getting through those maybe speed workouts that don't feel well, and you push through it anyway, no matter how you're feeling. That is gaining physical and mental strength.
Oh, definitely. Right. And you're teaching yourself that discomfort is not a bad thing. It's okay to feel pain. It's okay to feel uncomfortable. You're not going to die, right? Because our brain always wants to tell us that we're going to die. Our brain always wants to tell us we are in danger. Like anytime that pain or that discomfort pops up, you are in [00:24:00] danger.
You need to slow down. Maybe you should probably, you should probably stop and um, just go find a A rest place where you can lie down, maybe go in the pool instead.
[00:24:10] Kevin: Yes, a rest place, one of those rest places.
[00:24:13] Angie: My brain is on, is total mush today, okay? Like, I'm dealing with my girls going back to school and I didn't get Taylor Swift tickets and like, there's just so many things going on in my
[00:24:21] Kevin: brain.
I just had to deal with freshman all day long, so it's gonna be fine. Um, but that's, that's where the names come from. That reframing of pain when it shows up, whether it shows up in a workout in, in like a long run towards the end of it, you've just got that overall fatigue built up on you and being able to continue pushing through, you can take that and translate that into races.
And I think that's a huge thing is being able, especially on longer races, knowing that. Sometimes it doesn't feel good, but that's not necessarily going to mean that the entire rest of that race is going to feel bad. On the run I had a couple of weeks ago, it was a lengthy run and [00:25:00] almost all of it, I felt sluggish.
There was like a mile in the middle of it where I was like, I'm going to be okay. And tragically, that's right as I got back to our house, I think there was like the mental of I'm heading back to my house, I'm, I'm going to be fine. Yeah. And so. I felt okay. I refilled my water bottle and I continued out on the run.
Yeah. And like a half mile heading back out. I'm like, nope, legs feel like lead again. And it's, it's fine. I still got through it and I was still able to keep going. And once I accepted, all right, it doesn't really matter how heavy your legs feel. You're going to do another five miles. My legs kind of picked up again a little bit.
And then by the end of it, I was struggling and I had stomach issues, but it wasn't continuously terrible. I had different discomforts along the way. I had a couple of points where it felt okay. I had one stretch where it actually felt fine. Totally fine. I'm like, Oh, apparently I'm going to be okay right here.
And then I turned a corner and then it wasn't fine, but that's how it works. Sometimes in these longer races, if you're out there racing for multiple hours, it's all not. Not going to be good, and it's all not going to be terrible. And once [00:26:00] it's terrible, it's not terrible for the rest of it. You're going to be able to turn a corner, and it's going
[00:26:03] Angie: to be fine again.
Right. So if we understand this concept of 50 50 of like, we're going to have good times, we're going to have bad times, and we're also going to have neutral times, which we have to fit in there somewhere. Maybe it's 40 40 10. What do you think?
[00:26:15] Kevin: 10 is not going to
[00:26:17] Angie: work for you. It could be like 40 30 20. Oh, 40, 40, 10 does not work out that way.
40, 40, 20 or 40, 30, 30, like macros. Yes. It's, it's your
[00:26:28] Kevin: macros and your life. It's 50, 50, 50. Um, it's maybe, maybe 50, 40, 10. I don't know. There's something about coffee and leaving room for cream in there. It's going to be fine, but there's a latte versus a
[00:26:41] Angie: cappuccino. There's definitely neutrals in there.
There is. So, but let's just go with the concept of 50, 50, right? So when you, Are in those runs or those races and you have the negative start to creep in, right? You have the lead, lead in legs or the G. I. Issues or the fatigue [00:27:00] or the cramping or whatever, you know, thing wants to set in or just the mental side of things, right?
Like your brain start telling you like, why are you doing this? My brain tells me that all the time. Like, why are you doing this? Like Jacksonville
[00:27:11] Kevin: marathon on right now, there is a section in that race where it is really loud and there's a whole bunch of people cheering and I see you and, and it's great.
And you're like, Oh, I wasn't even feeling great, but now I am. There's a whole bunch of people cheering in this section. And. Then you take a right turn and it is silent for the next four miles. It's just, there's a two mile out and back that you go through. And you know, the way that the, the course goes, you're winding through like neighborhoods.
And sometimes people come out to like the end of their driveway and they're quiet, but they'll like, they'll clap for you as you run by. There's no one in this
[00:27:44] Angie: stretch. Which is also kind of awkward. It's awkward. As, as a spectrum. Tater, you're like, go runner
[00:27:51] Kevin: neutral runner that I don't know, you know, once it gets towards like the pack, I think there's kind of like more cheering than like the packs will cheer back towards them, but it's literally just me running down the [00:28:00] street.
So I see, I see you guys, I saw you and our daughter at this section and then you hang a right turn and it is. silent for the next four miles on the way back in. Maybe you're like, you're passing some people because it's an out and back. So you're seeing the people that are still going on the out portion, but it is so quiet.
And the up and down mental on that section, you go from being so high and fired up to so quiet. And there are a lot of races that do that. It's purely in your head. There's no physical thing to that. It's all in your head. There's a lot of trail. races that do that too, that it comes off the like, the, the wooded portion of the trail, you briefly see people and then you go back.
Yeah. You're like, all right, now it's back in your head and you have to figure out how to get through this. Right.
[00:28:42] Angie: And so when you do come up against whatever negative experience you are. Finding yourself in, in the middle of a run in the middle of the race. I think that we can embrace it and say like, Oh, Hey pain, thanks for coming.
I knew you'd be here at some, at some point in time. But I also know that because [00:29:00] life and because running is 50, 50, this isn't going to stink the whole time. I do have the other 50% to look forward to. So this is my down portion. Okay. I can be in this for a while because I also know that I'm going to get out of it.
I know that I'm going to have. An upswing. And maybe it doesn't happen in that run, but you can tell yourself that it does, right? You can tell yourself that it's going to, or that possibility is there. You have to kind of play with it depending on what your brain, you know, how, um, how you like to talk to yourself when you're running.
But maybe that whole run isn't the best. And so the next time you go out for your run, you're like, Oh, I hope it's not like the last one. And you're like, well, that was 50%. Right. So that was the negative 15. So I'm due for a positive 50. Right. Like, I think sometimes I hold on to that, um, as a way to be more optimistic, right?
Like I've already kind of, I think that sometimes we can focus on negative things, or we can focus on [00:30:00] positive things. And like, this can work in the opposite direction, is what I'm trying to say. So when we are feeling happy, a lot of times we're like, Oh, well, if I'm feeling happy, that means that something bad is going to happen.
But I don't think that we use it in the opposite way as much,
[00:30:14] Kevin: uh, the, like, we're always waiting for the other shoe to fall, but what's the reverse idiom on that one?
[00:30:19] Angie: Exactly. So waiting for the other shoe to fall. And so Brené Brown talks about this and she calls it foreboding joy. She says that joy is the most difficult human emotion for us to experience, like
[00:30:32] Kevin: to hang onto.
Yeah. We can briefly experience it and it disappears.
[00:30:35] Angie: Yeah. It's fleeting, right? Cause like when you find yourself in a moment of pure joy. And think about when this happens, like I described this today, right? Like the joy in watching your kids do something or accomplish something or just, you know, sometimes I look at our girls when they're getting along, which unfortunately does not happen as often as it used to right now
[00:30:57] Kevin: with the team.
Also, because it does [00:31:00] not feel that
[00:31:00] Angie: way, but I guess when you look at the spectrum of like, you know, the 13 years that they've been alive, I think we're still
[00:31:07] Kevin: sure factor in sleeping time when they're both silent,
[00:31:11] Angie: but, um, you know, there are those moments where they're just getting along and they're laughing together and I just look over at them and I have so much joy and then it's like, Oh God, please don't start fighting again.
You know, it's like one of the brains like to do right when we're, when we're feeling that joy and any mother has probably experienced this. You can tell me if the same kind of things come up for fathers, but you're like looking at your child, like when they were sleeping in a crib so peaceful and you're just filled, filled with so much love for that child.
And then you're also then this nasty thought pops into your head of like, Oh my God, I hope there. Are they still breathing? I hope they're breathing. I hope they're breathing. Right. It's like, why all of a sudden, like, am I looking at this beautiful child and one just in wonder and love and awe and then, oh God, I hope they're not dead.
Why does that
[00:31:55] Kevin: pop into our head? Because our brain likes to have 50, 50 thoughts also. Our brain likes to say, all right, [00:32:00] you've had plenty of positive thoughts. It's time for this thing to come in there. Yeah.
[00:32:03] Angie: And I think that when you know that. It's really powerful because you're like, Oh, okay. There's the 50 50 again.
Right? Like you can just kind of name it for what it is and then don't have to feel bad about it. Right? Like there's nothing wrong with you. If you had those thoughts, I think all of us parents have those thoughts. There's nothing wrong with you as a runner. If you're like, God, I really don't want to go out on my run today because that last one was awful.
Like, I don't want to experience that again. We've all had that thought. At some point in time, and I am happy to report that after two weeks being back in Florida, I'm starting to get my sea legs back again. As one of my friends said, she's like, don't worry, you'll get your sea legs back. And my runs are not feeling as awful anymore.
[00:32:40] Kevin: It's about what, seven to 10 days of good heat acclimation. And then after that, there still might be a couple of days that are dicey. Weather is giving us a good. 5050 day, I showed up today and we finally had a practice for cross country that we're not going to get lightning out. And the trainer came out and said, it's too hot to run because there were no clouds in the [00:33:00] sky.
I'm like, are you kidding? It's too hot to run. We finally don't have lightning. And then this big cloud blocked out the sun and the lightning came and huge cloud. I'm like, it's, it's nice out because it's overcast. Look, this giant cloud came in. So I make your take out the, like the little like heat detector that we have, wet bulb detector to make sure it was legal.
We were good. We were safe. And as I walk over to the team to start getting ready to go out and run, the lightning alarm goes off because the giant cloud that made the temperature be appropriate was bringing enough lightning with it. I'm like, Oh, come on. And so then we had to go do another thing and we adjust.
And because you're going to have to do to monitor some adjustments along the way. Even on 50 50s, even on days that are working for you, there still might need to be some adjustments. You accept the negatives. You can. turn negatives into opportunities. You don't have to flip your negative into a positive and always have a smile on your face.
That is faking it and you know that you're faking it. Sometimes in a race you get that side stitch and you're like, all right, [00:34:00] I'm just gonna put a smile on my face and pretend. And that's okay. Sometimes in a race, sometimes it helps to fake for a little bit and get yourself to the next point, embracing the idea that it is 50, 15.
It will flip at some point in time, but you know that if something went really poorly to you, you can't just tell your brain it's going to be okay. This is fine. Everything's great because sometimes it's not, sometimes it stinks and you have to accept the negatives.
[00:34:23] Angie: Yeah, and that goes for running and the rest of our life, right?
[00:34:25] Kevin: But that's what makes us love life. Because when you accept the negatives, then the highs are actually a positive. Then
[00:34:31] Angie: we can experience all of it. Yes. I think that when we decide that life is 50 50, And that we're here for it where I'm, I'm here and I'm open and I'm ready to experience it. Our life just becomes so much fuller.
It becomes so much richer in so many ways. And it's not about being happier all the time. It's not about being positive all the time. It's about allowing ourselves to have the full human experience and saying, I'm here for all of it. And. [00:35:00] That's
[00:35:00] Kevin: a good thing. Yeah. It's having a full life. Yeah. Like when the, the moon is a crescent moon, the whole moon is still there.
You can't ignore the dark part of the moon. It's still there. You can only see a little bit and you're like, Oh, but it's, that's not 50 50. Yeah. But over the course of a month, it is sometimes it's a little brighter than others. Sometimes it's a little darker than others. There's, but over the course of the month, you're looking at 50, 50, the moon, the, all of the moon is always there.
All of life is always there.
[00:35:25] Angie: Absolutely. All right, you guys, we hope this is a helpful episode for you. If you liked it, please head over to Apple iTunes or Apple podcasts and leave us a review. If you haven't yet. Um, and as always share with a friend because we would love to reach more runners and help them embrace the 50, 50.
and in the rest of their life. And also right now we are registering people for a new free class that I am going to be teaching next Monday, or so this coming Monday, August 14th. If you're listening to this, um, when it is released, I'm going to be teaching this class, August 14th, 2023. Um, I want [00:36:00] to. teach you how to get faster by running easier.
I'm going to be teaching you all about effort level training, what it is, why it's really important and how you can incorporate it into your running so that you can get faster. You can run longer by running easier and feel a heck of a lot better in the process. So head over to real life runners. com forward slash class to register for this free class today.
And hopefully I will. We'll see you live on Monday, August 14th. And as always, thank you for joining us here on the podcast. This has been the real life runners podcast episode number 319. Now get out there and run your life.
