447: What I Know at 45 (And What I’m Still Learning)

45 Years In: 10 Shifts That Have Changed My Health, Running, and Life

It’s my 45th birthday this week.

And I wanted to do something a little different… a solo reflection on some of the biggest lessons and mindset shifts I’ve made over the last 45 years.

Because here’s what I know now (that I didn’t know in my 20s):

I’m healthier now. I’m stronger now. I’m more grounded now.
And I’m genuinely proud of that.

Do I still have moments where a voice in my head says, “You should be farther along by now”?

Sure.

But those thoughts aren’t helpful, and I’ve learned not to build a life around them.

What I have built my life around is this: mindset, identity, and beliefs… because those are the things driving everything we do—how we train, how we eat, how we recover, how we show up in relationships, and how we handle the hard seasons.

So today I’m sharing 10 shifts:

• 6 of the biggest shifts that have changed my life

• 4 shifts I’m still working on (because I’m still human, still evolving)

My hope is that you’ll find a nugget you can carry into your own life—especially if you’re in a season where you feel stuck, tired, or like you’re “behind.”

You’re not behind.
You’re evolving.

My 6 Biggest Shifts

1) From “Being Skinny/Small” → to “Being Strong”

I grew up in the 80s and 90s, prime diet culture years, and I absorbed the message early that being smaller meant being better.

Even as a kid, I thought I was “too big.”
And as a teenager, I also got told I was “too much”—too intense, too intimidating, too… whatever.

So I tried to shrink in multiple ways:

• shrink my body

•  shrink my accomplishments

• shrink my presence

Don’t get me wrong, I still accomplished a lot, but I tried to be humble about it. Not make a big deal about it. Not be overly proud. 

And while I do think that humility is a good thing, there’s a difference between being humble and downplaying yourself, which is what I was doing. 

I tried to fit myself into the box that others expected.

But here’s what I believe now:

I don’t want to shrink. I want to be strong and take up space.

As a physical therapist, I know how important it is to build muscle and strong bones now so we can stay independent and active later—at 80, 90, and beyond.

As a woman, I know how important it is to speak up and not back down, for myself and for the others that can’t or won’t.

And as an athlete, I know how important it is to build muscle and a body that supports all of the crazy things I want to experience in my life.

And the wild part?

When I stopped obsessing over making my body smaller and started focusing on what my body could do and how it felt, I became more confident in my body than ever before.

Not because it’s “perfect.”

Because it’s capable.

I’m proud of what it can do, how it looks, and how I feel in my own skin.

And that’s one of the greatest gifts.

2) From Restriction → to Fueling

Restriction used to feel responsible. Disciplined. Like I was doing what I was “supposed” to do.

But the hidden costs were real:

• low energy

• obsessing over calories, macros, or every small detail

• poor recovery

• constant mental chatter around food

Now I focus on fueling, not controlling.

I’ve learned something surprising: When you truly give yourself permission to eat, you don’t actually end up eating cake 24/7.

You start choosing what supports how you want to feel.

For me, the main question has shifted from:

“Did I eat too much today?” → “Have I eaten enough today?”

That still blows my mind sometimes.

Because fueling comes from love. From trust. From remembering that your body is the vessel you’ve been given, and it deserves support.

3) From Chasing Outcomes → to Trusting (and Enjoying) the Process

This one applies to training, business, relationships… everything.

We’re taught to chase outcomes:

• grades

• achievements

• promotions

• PRs

• weight loss

• “success” on a timeline

Outcome-chasing creates pressure—sometimes so constant you don’t even notice it until you’re overwhelmed.

I lived that pattern for a long time. I did all the “right” things… until I hit moments where I started questioning the path.

Like my senior year of college when I realized:
“I don’t know if med school is actually right for me anymore.”

That was terrifying—because if you’re not chasing the next outcome… then what?

But here’s what I know now:

Results are feedback—not a verdict.

If a race doesn’t go well, it doesn’t mean you’re broken or not good enough.
If business growth is slower than expected, it doesn’t mean you’re failing.

It means: What can I learn? What can I adjust?

And sometimes the answer is simply:
you’re doing the right things—you just got the timeline wrong.

I still have big goals. I want to help 1,000 runners this year.
But I’m not letting that goal rob me of where I am right now.

4) From “Being Right” → to “Wanting to Get It Right”

I got this one from Brene Brown. 

I used to take pride in being right. It became part of my identity: the smart one, the good kid, the one who gets it right.

Which meant getting things wrong felt devastating.

It also kept me rigid.

I even quit soccer tryouts in middle school because I wasn’t good at it right away.  (I also thought it was too much running, so… there’s that.)

But growth requires mistakes.
And being committed to learning requires humility.

So now I value:

• curiosity over defensiveness

• growth over ego

• being coachable over being correct

And parenting has been one of my greatest teachers here—because I’ve had to learn to apologize quickly, repair, and keep growing.

If you’re a parent (especially of teenagers), you know what I mean.

I want to be the kind of person that is not afraid to make mistakes and is willing to learn and grow, so that’s what I’m choosing, both for myself and my girls.

5) From “Things are happening TO me” → to “Things are happening FOR me”

This might be the biggest one.

Growing up, I had a strong sense of fairness. When things weren’t fair, it felt personal.

Divorce wasn’t fair. Blended family dynamics weren’t fair. Life circumstances weren’t fair.

But life isn’t fair. 

I heard that phrase so many times growing up, and I truly hated it. Now I accept it as truth, because life isn’t fair.

It’s feedback.

Instead of asking, “Why is this happening to me?”, I know ask…
“How is this happening for me?”
“What is this teaching me?”
“What is this shaping in me?”

Because we can’t always change our circumstances—but we can change the meaning we attach to them.

And one of my favorite reminders is:
You either get the result that you want… or the lesson that you need.

That question—What’s the lesson?—has changed how I navigate setbacks in training, business, and life.

6) From Discovering Who I Am → to Choosing Who I Am

We’re told to “find yourself.”

I looked for a long time, waiting to “discover” who I am.

After many years, I’ve decided that I don’t think you find yourself like a hidden treasure.

I think you choose yourself.

Identity isn’t something we passively uncover.
It’s something we actively author.

I didn’t “discover” that I’m a runner. Trust me—if you asked 18-year-old Angie if she’d be a runner at 45, she would’ve laughed.

I chose it.

And I keep choosing it:

• when it’s cold

• when I don’t feel like it

• when it would be easier to stay in bed

Because identity comes first.
Then behavior follows.

Life isn’t something that is happening to us. We are active participants with the main character role, if we choose to accept it. 

4 Shifts I’m Still Working On

Don't get me wrong — it’s not like I’ve totally mastered or perfected the 6 lessons above. I still am actively choosing those everyday. I just feel like those 6 are pretty solidly a part of me. 

These next 4 I’m still working on because I’m still growing, practicing, and evolving.

7) From Earning/Doing → to Being

Rest still feels vulnerable sometimes.

I’m still learning that:

• my worth doesn’t increase when I do more

• my value is inherent

• my worthiness is absolute

As my coach said recently:
“Your worth is absolute.”

That one hit deep.

Nothing you or I do will every make us more worth or less worthy. 

I am worthy because I am human, and so are you. 

You are a child of God, and that alone makes you 100% worthy.

So I don’t have to earn it and constantly fill my days with doing. 

Sometimes, just being is enough.

8) From Doing It Alone → to Allowing Myself to Be Supported

I’m proud of my independence… and I also see how it can become armor.

Support doesn’t make me weaker.
It makes me stronger—and more available for what matters.

So I’m practicing letting help in without guilt.

9) From Procrastinating → to Planning and Action

For me, procrastination often shows up when I’m overwhelmed.

I’m a thinker…and an overthinker at that.

I want to make sure things are right before moving forward.

I’ve had to learn that I don’t need chaos to perform.

Planning is kindness.
Action creates momentum.
And clarity often comes from doing—not from thinking about doing. And not doing and redoing the same things over and over again.

10) From Caring What Others Think → to Letting People Be Wrong (or Right) About Me

This one is a muscle I’m still building, especially as someone with a public platform.

People will misunderstand you.
They’ll see one clip, one post, one moment… and decide they know you.

And the hard part?

You don’t have to correct them.

I’m learning to let contradictions exist:
I can be deeply kind… and sometimes sharp.
I can be confident… and still human.

I’m learning to embrace all sides of myself instead of treating parts of me like something to fix.

Because I don’t need to be for everyone.

I just need to be the right person for the people I’m meant to help.

At 45, I Don’t Feel Complete… But I Do Feel Grounded

I still have so much left to do, experience, and become.

But I feel rooted in who I am, and the impact I want to have.

I’m less interested in fixing myself, and more committed to choosing myself.

And if you’re in the middle of your own shifts, I want you to know:

You’re not lost.
You’re not failing.
You’re evolving.

And growth is uncomfortable because it’s real.

Want Support Through Your Own Shifts?

Inside the Real Life Runners Team, we don’t just give you training plans.

We help you understand:

• why you’re not following the plan

• why you feel like it’s not enough

• why you keep doing more (and burning out)

• how to trust the process and train with intention

Because plans are great… but mindset and identity are what make them work.

If you want coaching and support—physically and mentally—head to real life runners.com/team to learn more.

And if this resonated, share it with a friend who’s in the middle of her own shift.

I’m here for you.